Since before the age of man, organisms have expressed satisfaction by slapping appendages with other brorganisms; neighboring trees would celebrate ejecting a woodpecker by reaching across to slap branches, prehistoric whales would slap tails after clicking a particular fresh blubber joke, and even the first amoeba to crawl out of the ocean took one look at land and turned back to his amoebros to say, a�?High flagellum!a�?
While animals were smart enough to only high five after something truly epic, everything changed after a group of cavemen witnessed two T-Rexes executing an awkward a�?stubby five.a�? Since that time, mankind has effectively neutered the importance of the high five by using it for mundane accomplishments like making a free throw, fixing the photocopier, or getting undercharged for drinks at the bar (Actually, that last onea��s pretty sweet). Because of all this senseless high-fivery, the world has started to experience high five inflation, or a�?high five-lation.a�?
In response, authorities tried to institute a sliding scale in which a a�?high onea�? would acknowledge something mundane (e.g. stealing someonea��s cab), a a�?high threea�? would be reserved for something slightly awesome (e.g. surprise flashing when a chick wearing a skirt stands on a subway grate), and a a�?high fivea�? would only be invoked for something truly awesome (e.g. getting undercharged for drinks at the bar a�� the more I think about it the more I think thata��s pretty much as good as it gets).
Unfortunately, the high 1-5 system had its flaws, notably how difficult it was for people who are missing digits or cana��t count a�� often the same people. Thata��s why Ia��ve yet again come to the rescue by introducing the a�?high infinitya�? (copyright, patent pendinga�� all that crap).
Please save the high infinity for only the most awesome of the awesome and remember: youa��re not doing it right if you DONa��T break your hand.[:]