[:en]Recently I had dinner with the most successful host in the history of television, Regis Philbin, and it got me thinking – if that crazy fella can do it, why can’t Barney Stinson? After all, what qualities make a great host?
Personality — Check Awesomeness — Check Good Looks — Check
Below are a few shows that I’d love to host. Let me know your favorite and I’ll pitch it to Reeg the next time I see him at the gym.
IS SHE LEGAL?
20 nubile vixens compete against each other in trivia, physical challenges, and pillow fights before one lucky guy chooses a girl and asks the judges… Is She Legal?
Location: International waters
Judges: A panel of law enforcement officers poised to arrest the contestant if he chooses poorly
Prize: Free lifetime legal counsel by the lawyer of your choice
Sponsor: Thailand Tourism Board
AMERICA’S WETTEST T-SHIRT
500 girls in skin-tight white t-shirts vie to see who can make their t-shirt the wettest
Location: A different city each week… regrets, Buffalo
Judges: A panel composed of Swimsuit models, firemen, and Olympic gold medal swimmer, Michael Phelps
Prize: Each week’s winner will board the America’s Wettest T-Shirt tour bus and earn an automatic entry in the season-ending tournament of champions, held in my pants
Sponsor: The NBA – The National Breast Augmentation Society
FATHERS AND SONS
Each week a father and son unite, forgive each other, and start their relationship anew
Location: The heart
Judges: No one should judge the relationship between father and son
Prize: The chance to finally play catch with your pop
Sponsor: The NBA – The National Basketball Association
THE NEXT GREAT TAILOR
Up and coming tailors prove their mettle by making me new top of the line suits every week
Judges: Pieces will be judged on the following categories:
Prize: I get a nice suit and, depending on its quality, laid
Sponsor: Barney’s New York. Duh.
DON’T FORGET YOUR WALLET
Unknown contestants are woken up early in the morning following a one-night stand and have one minute to dress and escape before we wake up the chick. If the clock expires or the contestant leaves any personal belongings, he may wind up stuck in a relationship.
Location: A bedroom near you
Judges: A panel made up of myself, Scott Baio and Lorenzo Lamas
Sponsor: Trojan “Together we can end Feelings”[:]